Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Time to mourn

I know I normally don't talk too seriously on this blog, but it doesn't feel right not saying anything about what happened last week in Connecticut.  Myself, along with everyone else in this country are devestated.  And as a mother, I cannot even begin to comprehend what these families are going through.   It has felt like there has been a black cloud following me around,  and to know that it is their reality...there are no words.

I have done my best to avoid the news.  I have not watched one thing on TV about it, and most of what I read is through the interenet news or things people post on facebook.  I don't want to read the arguments about the politics of it at this time. Quite honestly, I have tried my hardest to stay clear of all of it.  Mostly because I don't want to consume myself with it,  and I have wanted to respect the grieving town and families.  But, in doing so, I have suppressed my emotions.

I realized something last night as I read the eulogy that Noah's mother gave at his service yesterday.  I need to let myself mourn.  These children deserve to be grieved over, their families, mourned with.  So, I finally gave in.  I cried for a long time.  I prayed hard for the families, I thought about the children and how similar they are to my Aiden.  I cried and prayed over my sleeping children.

Life is hard.  It's scary.  Being a parent is the hardest and scariest thing I have done. I know that these children don't belong to me, that they belong to God...but that is a difficult reality, and one that maybe I haven't totally accepted.

So, right now, I am allowing myself to mourn for these children and their families.  I am choosing to focus on them, to learn about them, and to read the wonderful things their families say about them.  I will think about the too short lives they lived here on earth.  I will will hold my children closer and thank God for every day I have with them.

You can read the beautiful words from Noah's mother and his uncle here.

1 comment:

  1. Jen, I only just read your blog entry. We have much to grieve for and much to be thankful for. Thank you for sharing your heart.